How many times have you try to do your best at something and you just didn't measure up? Was it really becuase you just could not do it welll, or was it because you could not do it well according to somebody else's opinion?
In the last year I have come to a place in my life where I have realized that my good just isn't good enough! I have realized that most of my effort has been just that--my effort. I have started to begin to stop and ask, "where is God in all of this?" and if I cannot see him, feel him, or find him in what I am doing I ask another question, "Am I doing what God really wants me to be doing?" Often Times when I begin to do something that takes all my strength, talents, wisdom-- it is usually when God does not really care about what I am doing and I am just wasting energy.
The new question that I have begun to ask is, "God, what do you want me to do today?" When I ask that question I tend to find myself moving from the drivers seat to the passengers seat and I realize I am just along for the ride instead of having to be the ride!
Recognizing that our good isn't good enough is only one of the first steps towards fully walking with and trusting God. When you can trust him to drive your finances, relationships, jobs, and yes even hobbies and vacations... the results are far better than anything we could attempt to do on our own.
I feel that in the last year I have learned how to move from the driver's seat to the passenagers seat. However, Now I am a little scared as to where God is drving me to. I am now learning to trust God when you sense he is taking you to a new destination. I just don't know where?
Saturday, July 11, 2009
Wednesday, August 6, 2008
Procrastination!
Procrastination is often an excuse but seldom a problem. I have found that procrastination really implies several things... Laziness-just did not want to do something. Apathy-I really don't care about something to get it done. Undisciplined-I am not mature enough to do my work. Unreliable-habit of coming up short.
In times like these I have to really re-evaluate my objectives and priorities. I have really struggled this summer, okay for the last year with just being unmotivated to do my work both at school and the church. It seems like the best I can do is simply show up. I blame procrastination and sometimes the idea of still trying to process the death of two grand parents. But in all reality I think I am on the balance beam of burnout!
Last summer ended with me going on a missions trip to mexico, coming back and getting sick. My grandfather dying the first week of september just as the seminary started back up. My youth ministry did a month long fundraiser in October, Youth convention in November. Tried to finish my work for classes in december. Janaury I was at a retreat in Palm springs, and San Jose, took a trip to Vancouver, And went to a conference in Phoenix. Came back to a tough semester class wise, District Council, and then right into a summer class, Went on Vacation, came back and spent the last week of My grandmother mitchell's live with her in the hospital. Moved all of her stuff out of her apartment, picked people up from the airport for the funeral. Had the funeral out of town, then drove every one back to the airport. Then Summer Camp, and finally here this morning taking a conflict and mediation class.
I keep telling myself things will get easier and better. But in reality, I have developed a habit of being overworked and under rested.
And now it is december 2008! More to come on this one.
In times like these I have to really re-evaluate my objectives and priorities. I have really struggled this summer, okay for the last year with just being unmotivated to do my work both at school and the church. It seems like the best I can do is simply show up. I blame procrastination and sometimes the idea of still trying to process the death of two grand parents. But in all reality I think I am on the balance beam of burnout!
Last summer ended with me going on a missions trip to mexico, coming back and getting sick. My grandfather dying the first week of september just as the seminary started back up. My youth ministry did a month long fundraiser in October, Youth convention in November. Tried to finish my work for classes in december. Janaury I was at a retreat in Palm springs, and San Jose, took a trip to Vancouver, And went to a conference in Phoenix. Came back to a tough semester class wise, District Council, and then right into a summer class, Went on Vacation, came back and spent the last week of My grandmother mitchell's live with her in the hospital. Moved all of her stuff out of her apartment, picked people up from the airport for the funeral. Had the funeral out of town, then drove every one back to the airport. Then Summer Camp, and finally here this morning taking a conflict and mediation class.
I keep telling myself things will get easier and better. But in reality, I have developed a habit of being overworked and under rested.
And now it is december 2008! More to come on this one.
Saturday, May 17, 2008
Book Review: Break Out Churches
Thom Rainer it the nail on the head with this book. Basically, he wrote a book that encompasses to distinct yet interchangeable ideas to focus on. The first focus was on the Pastor as leader and then the second focus was on the churches that broke out of a plateau or declining direction into vibrantly healthy and growing churches. I said they were distinct because each focus is usually their own book, however they are interchangeable. The church can not change or transform without the pastor and the pastor can not change and transform without the church. What makes this book interesting and original is the concept behind the writing of the book. Rainer didn't just begin to write down idea of effective pastoral leadership or how to flip your church. What he did was to take actual churches who did break out of their modes plateaus and decline and then analyze the cause, the pastors own assessment, and the churches response, and then followed the process through to a resolution. As he was telling the stories of these churches he was also interweaving leadership and church growth principles.
I have learned a lot just reading this book. My favorite things I feel that I learned was on pg.98 the author states three things that cause staff to stay with a certain pastor.
1) Compelling and clear vision of and for the church
2) Dynamic leadership skills of the Sr. Pastor
3) Great caring attitude of the Sr. Pastor
As I read this I thought about the Pastors I had served under, and Thought about the average stay of staff pastors at churches in general. This book brought out the point that the one thing special about break out churches was all of their Sr. Pastors, Staff Pastors, and even support staff had been at the break out church for an average of 10 - 11 years. I saw probably the best principle ever when it comes to church growth. Long, consistent and stable Leadership teams! Not a long stable Sr. Pastor, or staff pastor, or a secretary--But TEAMS!
One of the strong points of this book is that the author did not define which "break out churches were good or the best", but he picked churches that had turned around from the direction they Had been going. And often these churches that the author considered "break out" were still in the messy stages of chaos, problems, and frustration of feeling like defeat. Again, the difference in these churches was the willingness of the leadership team to be open and honest about where they were and openly share and discuss the feelings, hurts, fears, and experiences with their congregations. Another really good point was on pg. 116. It gives us the idea that we apart of the local churches history and we enter at different stages and need to learn to lead through plateaus, growth, hurts, loss, and even sometimes periods of decline!
What impresses me about this book is the motivation of its intention. The book is not intended to give us a blue print, or another program to turn around our churches. But this book invites us into a new discussion on what is happening in our church and why it is happening, and how we can be apart of a change. This book showed that often times it was the Sr. Pastor that needed to change, and as he changed, then the staff, then the church! What motivates me from this book is the idea of re-thinking the whys, the how's, the what ifs... developing my own theology of church, ministry, and the role of the pastor! I would say this book challenges me the pastor to walk in a new courage. A courage that gives me permission to ask what if, to believe in things to come, and to hire not based on a need but on future outcomes!
I would recommend this book to those who understand something is wrong, but unclear to what it is. And then they are willing to seek discovery of whats wrong and have the courage to do something about it! Regardless of you level of leadership, place of ministry, vocation! This book is a necessity for anyone who really wants to lead with integrity, and clear vision!
This is a book I wonder why I haven't read in seminary?
I have learned a lot just reading this book. My favorite things I feel that I learned was on pg.98 the author states three things that cause staff to stay with a certain pastor.
1) Compelling and clear vision of and for the church
2) Dynamic leadership skills of the Sr. Pastor
3) Great caring attitude of the Sr. Pastor
As I read this I thought about the Pastors I had served under, and Thought about the average stay of staff pastors at churches in general. This book brought out the point that the one thing special about break out churches was all of their Sr. Pastors, Staff Pastors, and even support staff had been at the break out church for an average of 10 - 11 years. I saw probably the best principle ever when it comes to church growth. Long, consistent and stable Leadership teams! Not a long stable Sr. Pastor, or staff pastor, or a secretary--But TEAMS!
One of the strong points of this book is that the author did not define which "break out churches were good or the best", but he picked churches that had turned around from the direction they Had been going. And often these churches that the author considered "break out" were still in the messy stages of chaos, problems, and frustration of feeling like defeat. Again, the difference in these churches was the willingness of the leadership team to be open and honest about where they were and openly share and discuss the feelings, hurts, fears, and experiences with their congregations. Another really good point was on pg. 116. It gives us the idea that we apart of the local churches history and we enter at different stages and need to learn to lead through plateaus, growth, hurts, loss, and even sometimes periods of decline!
What impresses me about this book is the motivation of its intention. The book is not intended to give us a blue print, or another program to turn around our churches. But this book invites us into a new discussion on what is happening in our church and why it is happening, and how we can be apart of a change. This book showed that often times it was the Sr. Pastor that needed to change, and as he changed, then the staff, then the church! What motivates me from this book is the idea of re-thinking the whys, the how's, the what ifs... developing my own theology of church, ministry, and the role of the pastor! I would say this book challenges me the pastor to walk in a new courage. A courage that gives me permission to ask what if, to believe in things to come, and to hire not based on a need but on future outcomes!
I would recommend this book to those who understand something is wrong, but unclear to what it is. And then they are willing to seek discovery of whats wrong and have the courage to do something about it! Regardless of you level of leadership, place of ministry, vocation! This book is a necessity for anyone who really wants to lead with integrity, and clear vision!
This is a book I wonder why I haven't read in seminary?
Book Review: 15 Characteristics of Effective Pastors
The 15 things that make up effective pastors:
1) Grace and Growth
2) Love for God
3) Spiritual Formation
4) Personal integrity
5) Love for the church
6) Servant Leader
7) Model of Holiness
8) Prayer Life
9) Holy Spirit Empowered
10) Inspired Preaching
11) Sure Calling
12) Godly Character
13) Personal Accountability
14) Strong Marriage
15) Visionary Leadership
The interesting part of this book is that the author has defined a list of pastors who he believes to be effective. Each pastor had input on specific chapters and even helped define the 15 characteristics. The list is very intensive and when you look at each one separately you can feel very overwhelmed. However, As I read each characteristic I saw how they over lapped into the next one. For instance, Love for God encompasses several of the other characteristics such as, Godly character, personal accountability, Spiritual Formation, Prayer, etc... I saw how if you developed a true love for God than several of the characteristics would also fall into line with that one.
The question that I had was, "are these actual characteristics of effective pastors? or are these good intentions of effective pastors?" By good intentions I mean, things that they work towards achieving, but often come up short in! I have found that often times in life, my frustrations come from following somebody good intentions, instead of seeking what I am called to, and to be like!
Another question I had was, "what was the Author's criteria for defining effective pastors?" and my other question was, "What was the criteria of those effective pastors in defining the characteristics of effective pastors?" again, I am left pondering the issue of what makes a pastor effective? and what would be definable traits that made him effective? I to fall into the trap of thinking the bigger the church must mean the better the pastor. But since I have been in seminary, I have met big name pastors, and no name pastors... To me, there is no difference! I think One thing I can pin point to pastors of large churches and small churches, is that each pastor has defined himself in terms that he can pursue and be content with. I think of Pastoral Ministry not in terms of success, but in terms of sacrifice!
Each size church comes with their own level of required sacrifice on the part of the Pastor. The question that needs to be asked is, "What are you expecting to get for your sacrifice?" I have seen Pastors from all different size churches make some huge sacrifices in the area of time, finances, family, calling, ministry, personal Identity! The question needs to be asked, "In the end, Was it worth it?"
I really enjoyed this book, However, I need to remind myself that it was just a book. Not a list of rules and expectations that I must bear, but a book of encouragement and sharing of ideas and thoughts on the idea of effective leadership. We can become attached to labels and definitions that bring us as ministers a level of legitimacy with in our own eyes... And when we do those things, we tend to move away from our callings, and Move away from our sufficient on the God you Justifies, the God who ordains, the God you qualifies us. In other words, we as ministers tend to flirt with those very things that get us to prostitute our callings for one glimpse of being legitimized for our sacrifices in the eyes of men!
We need to move away from the desire and need to be validated by others and stop looking at our accomplishments to define us and give us job titles, ministries, and position! And we need to begin to look at our own insecurities and failures to begin to Humbly reveal Christ with in us! It is not myself that defines me, But Christ in Me!
1) Grace and Growth
2) Love for God
3) Spiritual Formation
4) Personal integrity
5) Love for the church
6) Servant Leader
7) Model of Holiness
8) Prayer Life
9) Holy Spirit Empowered
10) Inspired Preaching
11) Sure Calling
12) Godly Character
13) Personal Accountability
14) Strong Marriage
15) Visionary Leadership
The interesting part of this book is that the author has defined a list of pastors who he believes to be effective. Each pastor had input on specific chapters and even helped define the 15 characteristics. The list is very intensive and when you look at each one separately you can feel very overwhelmed. However, As I read each characteristic I saw how they over lapped into the next one. For instance, Love for God encompasses several of the other characteristics such as, Godly character, personal accountability, Spiritual Formation, Prayer, etc... I saw how if you developed a true love for God than several of the characteristics would also fall into line with that one.
The question that I had was, "are these actual characteristics of effective pastors? or are these good intentions of effective pastors?" By good intentions I mean, things that they work towards achieving, but often come up short in! I have found that often times in life, my frustrations come from following somebody good intentions, instead of seeking what I am called to, and to be like!
Another question I had was, "what was the Author's criteria for defining effective pastors?" and my other question was, "What was the criteria of those effective pastors in defining the characteristics of effective pastors?" again, I am left pondering the issue of what makes a pastor effective? and what would be definable traits that made him effective? I to fall into the trap of thinking the bigger the church must mean the better the pastor. But since I have been in seminary, I have met big name pastors, and no name pastors... To me, there is no difference! I think One thing I can pin point to pastors of large churches and small churches, is that each pastor has defined himself in terms that he can pursue and be content with. I think of Pastoral Ministry not in terms of success, but in terms of sacrifice!
Each size church comes with their own level of required sacrifice on the part of the Pastor. The question that needs to be asked is, "What are you expecting to get for your sacrifice?" I have seen Pastors from all different size churches make some huge sacrifices in the area of time, finances, family, calling, ministry, personal Identity! The question needs to be asked, "In the end, Was it worth it?"
I really enjoyed this book, However, I need to remind myself that it was just a book. Not a list of rules and expectations that I must bear, but a book of encouragement and sharing of ideas and thoughts on the idea of effective leadership. We can become attached to labels and definitions that bring us as ministers a level of legitimacy with in our own eyes... And when we do those things, we tend to move away from our callings, and Move away from our sufficient on the God you Justifies, the God who ordains, the God you qualifies us. In other words, we as ministers tend to flirt with those very things that get us to prostitute our callings for one glimpse of being legitimized for our sacrifices in the eyes of men!
We need to move away from the desire and need to be validated by others and stop looking at our accomplishments to define us and give us job titles, ministries, and position! And we need to begin to look at our own insecurities and failures to begin to Humbly reveal Christ with in us! It is not myself that defines me, But Christ in Me!
Friday, March 7, 2008
Myth of Jesus
If you were going to come up with a Top Ten list about rating the top ten things that God created in order of importance an significance to God--Where would you start?
I ask this question to my high school students at their youth service. I had them get into groups and had them come up with lists. Almost all of the groups said that God himself was the greatest importance and significance and then they listed heaven and the galaxy… proceeded by humans, hell, and various animals and plants.
One group actually listed the order as follows:
1) God
2) God’s Laws
3) HELL
I then asked each group where does humanity fit into the list and why? How was your discussion? Was there one person talking/leading or was the whole group involved? How did the leader/group decide what made the list?
I then proceeded to tell them that they had just been part of defining and classifying theology. Theologians often make conscious/sub conscious lists of what is important to them and then they begin to build there understanding and convictions off of that list. I explained that the students whose list is above probably views God as some ogre up in heaven that is distant and far removed except when he is ultimately judging us to Hell!
The danger of listing and classifying God is that we humans like to determine who is in and who is out. Because we want to make sure we are part of the in crowd. If we have a clear cut list defining what we should look like and live like we can easily determine who is on the outside of that and label them lost…
Why do we label people lost and found? What if no one is really lost--but merely a sleep to their spiritual hunger!
What if instead of Mass crusades and hoping people come through our church doors-- we become intentional in creating little moments of helping people awaken to the spiritual hunger?
What if we truly believe that it is God’s desire for all humanity to be saved and we begin to live that out?
What would that look like?
How would that effect our status quo churches?
Would we still fit in our denominational models?
The question or problem is not POST MODERNISM! Post modernism in my perspective is really nothing more than part of a generation life span, another part of growing and maturing. It is actually the result of becoming adults in the middle of population shifts and global urbanization. Clash of world views and religious systems with questions about, “why has my faith not come to fruition?”.
See we have preached the myth of Jesus but not the personhood of Jesus. I believe that the church has not fully explained our doctrines. For instance the question that is asked that leads to times of frustration, doubt, and unbelief is-- “It’s been 2,000 years, Why hasn’t Jesus come Back?” which leads people to question everything else, and then add this next to pastors and leaders falling, churches splitting, and kids in the middle.
Myth #1 Christ’s return is not the fruition of Christianity, Christ’s return in all respects is only the beginning of eternity!
I ask this question to my high school students at their youth service. I had them get into groups and had them come up with lists. Almost all of the groups said that God himself was the greatest importance and significance and then they listed heaven and the galaxy… proceeded by humans, hell, and various animals and plants.
One group actually listed the order as follows:
1) God
2) God’s Laws
3) HELL
I then asked each group where does humanity fit into the list and why? How was your discussion? Was there one person talking/leading or was the whole group involved? How did the leader/group decide what made the list?
I then proceeded to tell them that they had just been part of defining and classifying theology. Theologians often make conscious/sub conscious lists of what is important to them and then they begin to build there understanding and convictions off of that list. I explained that the students whose list is above probably views God as some ogre up in heaven that is distant and far removed except when he is ultimately judging us to Hell!
The danger of listing and classifying God is that we humans like to determine who is in and who is out. Because we want to make sure we are part of the in crowd. If we have a clear cut list defining what we should look like and live like we can easily determine who is on the outside of that and label them lost…
Why do we label people lost and found? What if no one is really lost--but merely a sleep to their spiritual hunger!
What if instead of Mass crusades and hoping people come through our church doors-- we become intentional in creating little moments of helping people awaken to the spiritual hunger?
What if we truly believe that it is God’s desire for all humanity to be saved and we begin to live that out?
What would that look like?
How would that effect our status quo churches?
Would we still fit in our denominational models?
The question or problem is not POST MODERNISM! Post modernism in my perspective is really nothing more than part of a generation life span, another part of growing and maturing. It is actually the result of becoming adults in the middle of population shifts and global urbanization. Clash of world views and religious systems with questions about, “why has my faith not come to fruition?”.
See we have preached the myth of Jesus but not the personhood of Jesus. I believe that the church has not fully explained our doctrines. For instance the question that is asked that leads to times of frustration, doubt, and unbelief is-- “It’s been 2,000 years, Why hasn’t Jesus come Back?” which leads people to question everything else, and then add this next to pastors and leaders falling, churches splitting, and kids in the middle.
Myth #1 Christ’s return is not the fruition of Christianity, Christ’s return in all respects is only the beginning of eternity!
Leadership: Recruiting Volunteers
Most people in our churches do not know or understand our closed exclusive language of participation. Usually, when someone is interested in helping we give them a list and a few phone numbers and tell them to call this person and that will get them started in the right direction. Without realizing it we just exclusively told that person that we really do not need your help, and if you are really, really interested maybe this person has something for you to do!
We just established in that persons mind that there is an inward ladder that only a few people find the first rung. Working in ministry in our church is a privilege not an option! I have discovered that the majority of people in our churches truly want to work and help in ministry. But the majority of leaders in those ministries say that they want help, however they haven’t developed or defined what they need help with. So while those leaders are praying for workers, they neglect to figure out why they need workers.
How do you remedy this!
I personally believe in recruiting people. I ask and invite everyone I meet into opportunities of leadership. I invite them on an outing or an event outside of our “churchee” settings and then I give them some responsibility. Then after the event I ask them how did it go; and then, have you ever considered doing something like this on a regular basis?
More often then not, they are excited and interested in helping some more. Sometimes they tell me that they want to help but not really in the same ministry or capacity, which is fine because we are helping people enter the process of discovering who they are in Christ.
One of the things that I have always struggled with when it came to working with volunteers is how much ministry is too much?
How much responsibility and accountability should I give them?
In answering these questions I had to really dig deep and take a serious look at my intentions. I had to ask myself, “am I using these people? And if I am not then what should be expected from me?” I decided that if I was to just using people then their burn out and hurt feelings should not matter to me, because I will just push them aside and find new people to burn out!
However, if I do not just want to use them, then I must be willing to develop them. And if I am going to develop them-then their must be times of training, discipling, and having accountability with them! All of this sums up in the concept of developing them as a person and a leader.
What I have found is that people put value on things in two ways:
1) Giving of their time
2) Giving financially
One thing that I learned is that if the volunteer values the ministry they are in then they expect and want to be trained in that ministry. I have also found that once the person feels trained and valued in that ministry they are more willing to give of their finances towards that ministry. Equipping the Saints understands that if you are truly interested in developing people then there will be times where you will have to pull back the reigns, and times where you will loosen the reigns; Times where you will promote and validate the person and times where you will have to chastise and discipline the person.
The two biggest problems that I see when it comes to utilizing the laity of the church are:
1) Not offering training and ongoing development
2) Not giving them actual responsibility/ leadership roles
I would like to focus a little bit on that last problem. I have heard a lot of youth pastors beg and beg for help and then when help comes they have them sit in the back and do crowd control or show up and just be there! And then these same youth pastors do not know why they can’t keep workers. When you recruit someone to help in the ministry you need to let them help.
That means that they will not do things the way you would do them, they might not have the same attention for detail. But they are helping. Even if they are not doing the same quality job that you could do—they are doing something. And training becomes an exciting part of the process of learning to do a better job because now, they have a frame of reference as to why the training is important.
It is unfair if you expect a volunteer to go through 3 months – 1 year or longer of training before they can be a leader or participate in your ministry. I am not saying that they should be allowed to preach, do funerals, or counsel with no experience. What I am saying is that learning to serve starts with simple things as just picking up a towel and pitcher!
Why do we make the first steps of getting into ministry so hard?
Is it so we can prove how hard it was for us to become a pastor?
We just established in that persons mind that there is an inward ladder that only a few people find the first rung. Working in ministry in our church is a privilege not an option! I have discovered that the majority of people in our churches truly want to work and help in ministry. But the majority of leaders in those ministries say that they want help, however they haven’t developed or defined what they need help with. So while those leaders are praying for workers, they neglect to figure out why they need workers.
How do you remedy this!
I personally believe in recruiting people. I ask and invite everyone I meet into opportunities of leadership. I invite them on an outing or an event outside of our “churchee” settings and then I give them some responsibility. Then after the event I ask them how did it go; and then, have you ever considered doing something like this on a regular basis?
More often then not, they are excited and interested in helping some more. Sometimes they tell me that they want to help but not really in the same ministry or capacity, which is fine because we are helping people enter the process of discovering who they are in Christ.
One of the things that I have always struggled with when it came to working with volunteers is how much ministry is too much?
How much responsibility and accountability should I give them?
In answering these questions I had to really dig deep and take a serious look at my intentions. I had to ask myself, “am I using these people? And if I am not then what should be expected from me?” I decided that if I was to just using people then their burn out and hurt feelings should not matter to me, because I will just push them aside and find new people to burn out!
However, if I do not just want to use them, then I must be willing to develop them. And if I am going to develop them-then their must be times of training, discipling, and having accountability with them! All of this sums up in the concept of developing them as a person and a leader.
What I have found is that people put value on things in two ways:
1) Giving of their time
2) Giving financially
One thing that I learned is that if the volunteer values the ministry they are in then they expect and want to be trained in that ministry. I have also found that once the person feels trained and valued in that ministry they are more willing to give of their finances towards that ministry. Equipping the Saints understands that if you are truly interested in developing people then there will be times where you will have to pull back the reigns, and times where you will loosen the reigns; Times where you will promote and validate the person and times where you will have to chastise and discipline the person.
The two biggest problems that I see when it comes to utilizing the laity of the church are:
1) Not offering training and ongoing development
2) Not giving them actual responsibility/ leadership roles
I would like to focus a little bit on that last problem. I have heard a lot of youth pastors beg and beg for help and then when help comes they have them sit in the back and do crowd control or show up and just be there! And then these same youth pastors do not know why they can’t keep workers. When you recruit someone to help in the ministry you need to let them help.
That means that they will not do things the way you would do them, they might not have the same attention for detail. But they are helping. Even if they are not doing the same quality job that you could do—they are doing something. And training becomes an exciting part of the process of learning to do a better job because now, they have a frame of reference as to why the training is important.
It is unfair if you expect a volunteer to go through 3 months – 1 year or longer of training before they can be a leader or participate in your ministry. I am not saying that they should be allowed to preach, do funerals, or counsel with no experience. What I am saying is that learning to serve starts with simple things as just picking up a towel and pitcher!
Why do we make the first steps of getting into ministry so hard?
Is it so we can prove how hard it was for us to become a pastor?
Good Intentions
Isn't life strange. It seems that we love to make all kinds of grandiose schedules and important dates only to realize what we thought was so important was really nothing more than busyness. I had great plans when i started blogging to add a new post every Monday or at least once a week. However, time came and went and so did my great plans.
Last september I was in the middle of moving into an apartment that I share for 2 nights a week when I received a phone call that change my life as I Knew it. My mother called to tell me that my grandfather was in the hospital and he was dying. She then proceeded to tell me that my sister was driving down to L.A. to try to see him one last time. I immediately decided to go with her. So she was going to pick me up in Fresno on her way down to L.A.. As I was waiting, I rushed down to my school to try and download all of my syllabi's and leave messages for my professors that I Will be gone for at least a week.
When my sister came I was not yet packed and ended up getting into an argument about how we could of already been in L.A. already--even though L.A. is four hours from Fresno and I was only 15 minutes late. CRISIS--MODE--Everything is falling APART!
We finally got on the road and drove about 1 and 1/2 hours when we get the call, "Grandpa just passed away"! as we sat in the parking lot of Starbucks and contemplated what just happened I realized that everything that I tried to do to be prepared and think ahead didn't matter! it didn't matter for me to get my syllabi's and to let my professors know. it didn't matter to pack. it didn't matter to rush around!
ALL that mattered was that I was in the Car with my sister sharing a hard long moment of silence and grief. It mattered that I was with her on the long drive back to Fresno. It mattered that I didn't have the words to say, I just listened!
Why is it that Good Intentions never really matter!
We tend to kill ourselves and go out of our way to get the important things done only to realize, they DO NOT MATTER! Usually, good intentions are more of things that we wish we could do--but can't! Why, because deep down we know they do not matter--but we desperately need to be in control!
One Step closer to self sufficiency is one step further away from dependency on God!
Letting go of control is difficult both for the one letting go and the one getting loose. Today, where do you see yourself! As one that is full of good intentions struggling to let go, or one struggling as your being free!
Free from what?
Free from what others think, feel, believe, say, imply, and tell you what, who, and how you should be like! Let today be the day that you walk in dependency on God and feel the freedom of God's grace, love, and joy!
Last september I was in the middle of moving into an apartment that I share for 2 nights a week when I received a phone call that change my life as I Knew it. My mother called to tell me that my grandfather was in the hospital and he was dying. She then proceeded to tell me that my sister was driving down to L.A. to try to see him one last time. I immediately decided to go with her. So she was going to pick me up in Fresno on her way down to L.A.. As I was waiting, I rushed down to my school to try and download all of my syllabi's and leave messages for my professors that I Will be gone for at least a week.
When my sister came I was not yet packed and ended up getting into an argument about how we could of already been in L.A. already--even though L.A. is four hours from Fresno and I was only 15 minutes late. CRISIS--MODE--Everything is falling APART!
We finally got on the road and drove about 1 and 1/2 hours when we get the call, "Grandpa just passed away"! as we sat in the parking lot of Starbucks and contemplated what just happened I realized that everything that I tried to do to be prepared and think ahead didn't matter! it didn't matter for me to get my syllabi's and to let my professors know. it didn't matter to pack. it didn't matter to rush around!
ALL that mattered was that I was in the Car with my sister sharing a hard long moment of silence and grief. It mattered that I was with her on the long drive back to Fresno. It mattered that I didn't have the words to say, I just listened!
Why is it that Good Intentions never really matter!
We tend to kill ourselves and go out of our way to get the important things done only to realize, they DO NOT MATTER! Usually, good intentions are more of things that we wish we could do--but can't! Why, because deep down we know they do not matter--but we desperately need to be in control!
One Step closer to self sufficiency is one step further away from dependency on God!
Letting go of control is difficult both for the one letting go and the one getting loose. Today, where do you see yourself! As one that is full of good intentions struggling to let go, or one struggling as your being free!
Free from what?
Free from what others think, feel, believe, say, imply, and tell you what, who, and how you should be like! Let today be the day that you walk in dependency on God and feel the freedom of God's grace, love, and joy!
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